Greeting Cards

Cover: Not only did I FALL OFF the diet wagon, Inside: I DRAGGED it into the WOODS, SET it on FIRE, and used the insurance money to buy TWINKIES. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: My yoga pants have NEVER SEEN a yoga class, Inside: my gym pants have never been to the gym, and my idea of a BALANCED DIET is a MARTINI in each hand. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Nobody makes me laugh like you do. Inside: Thanks for being my funny, wonderful friend. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: In car years, you would be considered a classic. In wine years, you would be considered smooth. And in dog years... Inside: well, you would be dead. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’re one step closer to being the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home! Inside: Happy Birthday! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ll always be BBFs... Inside: Badass Bitches Forever! Have a Badass Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “THERE’S A VERY FINE LINE BETWEEN TOO LATE FOR COFFEE AND TOO EARLY FOR WINE...” Inside:”So when it’s close, I err to the side of wine.” Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ve become SEEN-AGERS Inside: That’s a Senior-Teenager. We have everything we wanted as teenagers, only 50 years later. We don’t have to go to work or school. We get allowances every month. We have our own places. We don’t have curfews. We have...

Cover: I know it’s YOUR birthday and I don’t want to brag but... Inside: I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “Move over cosmetics, this is a job for the pharmaceutical industry.” Inside: Have an industrious Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Forget about losing 20 pounds... Inside: How can we lose 20 years? Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Best friends are the ones who know all about you. Inside: But like you anyway. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: The older we get... Inside: The older “old” gets. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Having a good friend is like riding a bicycle... Inside: Once you get the hang of it, it lasts a lifetime. Happy Birthday.

Cover: WANT TO LOOK YOUNGER INSTANTLY? Inside: Get some older friends. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: A man needs only two tools in his workshop: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. Inside: If it DOESN’T move and it should, USE THE WD-40. If it DOES move and it shouldn’t, USE THE DUCT TAPE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Blank Inside: “Golden years” my ass. Happy Birthday! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Lead us not into temptation... Inside: Oh, forget it. Follow me; I know a shortcut! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Where most men get their information... Inside: and what most of it is worth. Happy Birthday.­­­ Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I HOPE THiS CARd iSN’T TOO FuNNY. Inside: I understand people your age pee fairly easily. HaPPY BiRTHdAY! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Remember when you were so sweet and innocent? Inside: We don’t either! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Someday, we will be two, sweet, old ladies. Inside: You go first! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Sure you feel young & vibrant today! Inside: But wait until tomorrow when the wine wears off. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’re going to hell in a hand basket… Inside: but at least we have travel plans. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: DON’T FEAR GETTING OLDER. Inside: Fear getting stuck in traffic after 2 cups of coffee and a bran muffin. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: When a cake has that many candles on it... Inside: it might be time to start spending the family fortune. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: It‘s not the size of the pool … Inside: It’s the friends you “swim” with. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “You know you’re getting old when...” Inside: “you feel like crap in the morning, but you didn’t even drink the night before!” Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Those were the days... Cars were made in the USA, Inside: and an “airbag” was somebody who talked too much! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: At our age, the water can be dangerous. Inside: Lifeguards don’t try as hard. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We are much too young... Inside: to be this old. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “If the good lord didn’t want us to drink, he wouldn’t have given us 2 livers.” “You’re mixing up your organs again.” Inside: That explains a few things Happy Birthday

Cover: (blank) Inside: I’m here for the party! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: You’re born. You work. You ache. You die. Inside: Did I miss anything?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: DON’T WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLD... Inside: WORRY ABOUT THINKING OLD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Oh, I just can’t stand the thought of another birthday! Inside: (heavy sigh) I’m glad it’s yours. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I’m not sure what reminded me of you... Inside: but Happy Birthday, anyway. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Here’s to all the crap you’ve been through! Inside: Better days are ahead! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: (blank) Inside: Cheers to YOU! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: WHAT? Inside: That’s great news! CONGRATULATIONS. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: MARGARITAS! Inside: Because no great story ever began with somebody eating a salad. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: If I were you, I’d Get Well Soon! Inside: You KNOW we always gossip about the one who isn’t here! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: AWE, SHUCKS Inside: That was so nice of you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING IT... Inside: YOU SHOWED UP! THANK YOU. YOU ARE THE BEST. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: They know all about you. Inside: That’s why they’re praying. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Some guys STAND OUT in a crowd. Inside: Even when they are just being THEMSELVES. Happy Birthday to a standout guy. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: THEY SAY YOU CAN LOSE WEIGHT BY DRINKING NOTHING BUT WINE... Inside: But so far all I’ve lost is my purse and my keys. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: People are calling us “OCD” Inside: Old, Cranky, and Dangerous! Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Sitting, Talking, Remembering... Inside: Two out of three ain’t bad. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: No one’s asking us to wave from a rolling convertible anymore... Inside: but this parade ain’t over yet, baby. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: WE ARE WOODEN SPOON... Inside: lead paint, no car seat, no seat belt, no bike helmet, garden hose drinking SURVIVORS! How did we make it!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Born to be WILD... Inside: a LONG time ago! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We used to love acting “GROWN-UP” Inside: And now we love to act like kids. Here’s to living it backwards. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: BIRTHDAY CAKE... Inside: THE ONLY FOOD YOU CAN BLOW ON AND SPIT ON AND EVERYBODY RUSHES TO GET A PIECE. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: He thought he was steering the boat... Inside: but it just went in circles giving him the illusion of control. Kinda like being married. Happy Anniversary. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: If you have the right partner... Inside: the music never stops. Happy Anniversary to a great couple. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: GO AHEAD, LIGHT THE CANDLES! Inside: we’re ready! happy birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Constance named her cat “Martini”. Inside: It was one less thing to remember. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Fran made her own dress, stitched her own slipcover, and baked her own cake. Inside: I have a hunch she did her own hair, too. Happy Birthday! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ve known each other for a long time. Inside: You’re still older! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Everybody loves a guy... Inside: with a cool car! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I’ve always loved … Inside: being your sister. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Remember young lady... Inside: good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Funny how we call ‘em the “good old days”. Inside: We weren’t that “GOOD” or that “OLD”. Happy Birthday to my good, old friend. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: (blank) Inside: Oh,shit! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Don’t think for a second that girls today have more fun than we did. Inside: We just didn’t text it, tweet it, or e-mail it. We gossiped over it in person like real women. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: They say we are like two peas in a pod... Inside: I think we’re more like two nuts in a tree. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Skinny jeans make you look skinny... Inside: the same way Thin Mints make you look thin. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: SENILITY PRAYER GOD GRANT ME THE SENILITY Inside: TO FORGET THE PEOPLE I NEVER LIKED, THE GOOD FORTUNE TO RUN INTO THE ONES I DO LIKE, AND THE EYESIGHT TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE. Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: At your age, there’s one thing you don’t have to worry about … Inside: dying young. Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: How does a 36C become a... Inside: 32 long? Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: So... Inside: how was your day? Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: You know you’re getting old when... Inside: your body makes more noises than your car. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ve been friends for so long... Inside: I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence. Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches