Greeting Cards

Cover: Not only did I FALL OFF the diet wagon, Inside: I DRAGGED it into the WOODS, SET it on FIRE, and used the insurance money to buy TWINKIES. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: My yoga pants have NEVER SEEN a yoga class, Inside: my gym pants have never been to the gym, and my idea of a BALANCED DIET is a MARTINI in each hand. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Nobody makes me laugh like you do. Inside: Thanks for being my funny, wonderful friend. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’re one step closer to being the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home! Inside: Happy Birthday! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ll always be BBFs... Inside: Badass Bitches Forever! Have a Badass Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “THERE’S A VERY FINE LINE BETWEEN TOO LATE FOR COFFEE AND TOO EARLY FOR WINE...” Inside:”So when it’s close, I err to the side of wine.” Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ve been friends for so long... Inside: I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence. Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I know it’s YOUR birthday and I don’t want to brag but... Inside: I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “Move over cosmetics, this is a job for the pharmaceutical industry.” Inside: Have an industrious Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Forget about losing 20 pounds... Inside: How can we lose 20 years? Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Best friends are the ones who know all about you. Inside: But like you anyway. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: The older we get... Inside: The older “old” gets. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Having a good friend is like riding a bicycle... Inside: Once you get the hang of it, it lasts a lifetime. Happy Birthday.

Cover: WANT TO LOOK YOUNGER INSTANTLY? Inside: Get some older friends. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: A man needs only two tools in his workshop: WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. Inside: If it DOESN’T move and it should, USE THE WD-40. If it DOES move and it shouldn’t, USE THE DUCT TAPE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Lead us not into temptation... Inside: Oh, forget it. Follow me; I know a shortcut! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Where most men get their information... Inside: and what most of it is worth. Happy Birthday.­­­ Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I HOPE THiS CARd iSN’T TOO FuNNY. Inside: I understand people your age pee fairly easily. HaPPY BiRTHdAY! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Remember when you were so sweet and innocent? Inside: We don’t either! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Someday, we will be two, sweet, old ladies. Inside: You go first! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Sure you feel young & vibrant today! Inside: But wait until tomorrow when the wine wears off. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’re going to hell in a hand basket… Inside: but at least we have travel plans. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: When a cake has that many candles on it... Inside: it might be time to start spending the family fortune. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: It‘s not the size of the pool … Inside: It’s the friends you “swim” with. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “You know you’re getting old when...” Inside: “you feel like crap in the morning, but you didn’t even drink the night before!” Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Those were the days... Cars were made in the USA, Inside: and an “airbag” was somebody who talked too much! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “I don’t understand it. When people get older, they actually put LESS candles on their cake.” “Old people are weird.” Inside: Hope your Birthday is a big blowout. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We are much too young... Inside: to be this old. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “If the good lord didn’t want us to drink, he wouldn’t have given us 2 livers.” “You’re mixing up your organs again.” Inside: That explains a few things Happy Birthday

Cover: (blank) Inside: I’m here for the party! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: You’re born. You work. You ache. You die. Inside: Did I miss anything?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: DON’T WORRY ABOUT GETTING OLD... Inside: WORRY ABOUT THINKING OLD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: There was... a pretty one, a smart one, and a funny one. Inside: And the lucky ones like you were all three. Happy Birthday.Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Oh, I just can’t stand the thought of another birthday! Inside: (heavy sigh) I’m glad it’s yours. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: I’m not sure what reminded me of you... Inside: but Happy Birthday, anyway. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: “I’m just gonna sit here... Inside: ‘til you feel better.” Get Well Soon! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Here’s to all the crap you’ve been through! Inside: Better days are ahead! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: (blank) Inside: Cheers to YOU! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: WHAT? Inside: That’s great news! CONGRATULATIONS. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: If I were you, I’d Get Well Soon! Inside: You KNOW we always gossip about the one who isn’t here! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: AWE, SHUCKS Inside: That was so nice of you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: They know all about you. Inside: That’s why they’re praying. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: People are calling us “OCD” Inside: Old, Cranky, and Dangerous! Happy Birthday Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Of all the things we’ve shared over the years... Inside: drinking together never gets old. And neither will we! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Sitting, Talking, Remembering... Inside: Two out of three ain’t bad. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: WE ARE WOODEN SPOON... Inside: lead paint, no car seat, no seat belt, no bike helmet, garden hose drinking SURVIVORS! How did we make it!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Our friendship has been a journey... Inside: If only we were earning frequent flyer miles! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Born to be WILD... Inside: a LONG time ago! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We used to love acting “GROWN-UP” Inside: And now we love to act like kids. Here’s to living it backwards. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: BIRTHDAY CAKE... Inside: THE ONLY FOOD YOU CAN BLOW ON AND SPIT ON AND EVERYBODY RUSHES TO GET A PIECE. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: He thought he was steering the boat... Inside: but it just went in circles giving him the illusion of control. Kinda like being married. Happy Anniversary. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: If you have the right partner... Inside: the music never stops. Happy Anniversary to a great couple. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: GO AHEAD, LIGHT THE CANDLES! Inside: we’re ready! happy birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Constance named her cat “Martini”. Inside: It was one less thing to remember. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: We’ve known each other for a long time. Inside: You’re still older! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Everybody loves a guy... Inside: with a cool car! Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Remember young lady... Inside: good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere. Happy Birthday. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: (blank) Inside: Oh,shit! Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: Skinny jeans make you look skinny... Inside: the same way Thin Mints make you look thin. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Size: 5x7 inches

Cover: So... Inside: how was your day? Size: 5x7 inches